170068

Joke of the Day

"What's the longest sentence in the English language? I do."

"I've been hit by a car before, you don't want to go down that road."

"*shows up at your work* ""Hi, it's me. From the internet."""

"Dude... I was there, don't try to change the story."

"I don't throw gang signs. I'm Scottish. I throw bricks :)"

"Bae: come over Me: can we ever have normal conversations Bae: my parents aren't home Me: why can't you just ask how good my day was for once"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid money to have a garbanzo bean on my face"

"what do jeb bush and lance arm strong have in common? everyone was disappointed with their last speeches and no one was disappointed when they dropped out of the race"

"Did you hear about the guy who ate glass? It was pretty clear how he died."

"My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves."