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Joke of the Day

"Bae: come over Me: can we ever have normal conversations Bae: my parents aren't home Me: why can't you just ask how good my day was for once"

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit"

"Give a man a fish... And, apparently, you're a shitty secret Santa."

"[Reality TV] HOST: Welcome to America's Next Top Psychic! Please, try not to-- *One contestant stands up*: I WON! H: --ruin it."

"How stupid of the elevator manufacturers they have buttons for the floor I am already on *I will show myself out now"

"Today is a new day. Be thankful. Do something nice for yourself. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Run with a pair of scissors"

"Chuck Norris, the actor, film producer and screenwriter died in his house today at 76 years of age He is now feeling much better and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance"

"What do you get when you cross 400 Obese Water Buffalo with a Transgender Pimp? Clickbait"

"""Let's name it something that people will automatically connect with movies."" - Not the guys who started Fandango."