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Joke of the Day

"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat"

"How did NBC respond to someone who criticized their broadcasting? I (*commercial break*) can't (*commercial break*) understand (*commercial break*) your accent (*commercial break*)."

"Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch."

"My friend stopped making payments to his exorcist. He was soon repossessed."

"My girlfriend acts like a 14 year old in bed Even though she is 12"

"As hillbillies age, they're called hillwilliams."

"For all of us singles out there... Happy Ballantine's day!!"

"If a girl says, ""I hate drama"" there is a 99% chance she is a huge drama queen."

"So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming."