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Joke of the Day
"If you capitalize 'him' in your tweets I'm gonna automatically assume you're subtweeting god."
Next Joke
"lol so good https://soundcloud.com/yung-palmtree"
"What star sign is a donut? It's a Taurus!"
"For sale: The entire Internet on 33,674,964,367 DVDs. Or without porn, on 54 DVDs."
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I slept with a coworker. The bad news is I work at the Dollar Store."
"Did you see how nervous C-3PO was in the new movie? I mean he did seem a little red"
"The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."
"*watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *has to pee* *watches soccer* *gets up to pee* *misses goal* :/"
"If my mouth could get pregnant, an entire box of fudge-pops would be taking paternity tests."
"""Sir you can't bring your dog onto the plane"" [labradoodle puts on tiny pilot hat] ""Omg captain I'm so sorry"""