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Joke of the Day

"[getting car jacked] umm i know i'm supposed to resist and all but if we don't cooperate we're both gonna miss McDonalds breakfast so hop in"

"What has four legs and says ""hoe de doe, hoe de doe""? Two black guys trying to catch an elevator."

"What does a deaf math nerd speak? Sine language."

"[at a funeral] What happens to his leftover meds?"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my dick down your throat."

"I hate it when people ask me what i'll be doing in 5 years time C'mon!! I don't have 2020 vision"

"This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it."

"The worst number in the world. 6.9 it's 69 interrupted by a period"

"Why is the media making such a big deal about the olympic swimmer's period? It's a perfectly normal female body function that, according to my wife, occurs 2-3 times per month."

"I'm glad Alfred Hitchcock never made a porno because it would be really weird when he made his cameo."