170020

Joke of the Day

"My ass is a better cook than me because... At least what it makes is supposed to taste like shit."

"Favorite tank of ISIS is IS-2"

"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I'm making... ...then they call me ugly and poor."

"Did you hear about... ...the new WSPA building downtown? The offices are so small, you couldn't swing a cat in there!"

"Want to hear about the worst blowjob I ever had? It was awesome"

"I want to make a movie where RoboCop gets laid off due to budget cuts and has to work at a Waffle House."

"ME: I hate the Kentucky Derby. You get all dressed up and excited and the whole thing only lasts 15 seconds WIFE: Oh is that right"

"Leprosy joke What did the leper say to the hooker after they had sex? Keep the tip."

"I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine. It just didn't make cents."

"I hate when job recruiters ask me where I see myself in 5 years. Like come on, dude, I don't have 2020 vision."