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Joke of the Day

"If you can pull off a lip ring, you should. Like literally. Pull it off your face."

"Two horses are standing in a field. ""I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"" Says the first. ""Moo!"" says the second"

"If you're American when you go into the bathroom... ...and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? European"

"#IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them."

"Having a good friend is just like peeing your pants. Everybody can see it but only you feel that warm sensation of happiness."

"What's the difference between the IRS and a baby? It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up."

"I've got reverse Benjamin Button disease."

"How many cis-gender white males does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. And it would be his privilege to help out."

"6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet"

"What's the difference between ""choice"" and ""choose?"" ""Choice"" is your ability to make decisions, ""choose"" are what Mexicans put on their feet."