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Joke of the Day

"If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary."

"Doctor Nervous by Three year old When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, ""Do I have to drink it?"""

"I like stuffed animals. Oven baked with breadcrumb stuffing."

"In 2017 I'm going to start eating healthy again. This marks the end of my cheat decade."

"Father in law just made an accidental calculus joke By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit."

"Dad: ""Don't you come back late midnight again... ...Otherwise you'll be coming back next year."""

"Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range."

"The neighbor's wife is gonna be so happy when she sees how much yardwork he got done today. -I think, laying out in a bikini in my backyard"

"You can learn a lot about a person if you install a camera in their bedroom."

"ME: how do u get girls SCUMBAG GUY: gotta brag about the size of ur, ya know...organ [later at the bar] ME: hey baby i got a real big colon"