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Joke of the Day

"A grasshopper walks into a bar So the bartender looks at him and says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" To which the grasshopper replies, ""You have a drink named Steve?"""

"They called their son Honest Abe, because he was honest. They called their daughter Bloody Mary..."

"You can tell which side of your pillow is the cool side because it's the one smoking a cigarette."

"Did you hear about the Jewish pedophile? He said ""Hey, kid. Can I sell ya some candy?"""

"I needed the loo, and only a wishing well was in sight. Well. Shit."

"I love being a gynecologist I find that I'm always hard at work."

"My biggest regret of 2014? Probably when my husband watched ""The Notebook"" with me and then I yelled at him for not building me a house"

"Damn girl are you community college? Because you pretty much just let anyone in."

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue...... who killed harambe? Cincinnati zoo"

"[ER] ME: [scared] well? DOCTOR: ur ok M: so it was just a dream D: o no ur body is filled with lizards but ur system is accepting them"