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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they take all the green cards. (friend at work told me this gem)"

"Did you hear Snow White got thrown out of Disney Land? They caught her sitting on Pinocchio's Face yelling ""Lie you little fucker"

"I swallowed a Watch the other day... Now I'm just trying to pass the time."

"My plans must be so fat they never work out."

"Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook."

"A mouse jumped out of my stove, but I couldn't catch it. It was out of my range."

"Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they're concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?"

"I would like to buy a vowel... But they don't take SNAP."

"I would be completely shocked if I ever won the lottery. Mainly because I don't play the lottery."

"My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn't enough time."