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Joke of the Day

"In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz"

"I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties."

"Does anyone know if it's worth signing up for this sex offender registry? Will I learn any new moves or techniques?"

"What do you call bacteria that can swim fast? Micro Phelps."

"What do you call a gigolo you don't pay? A Free Willy."

"A vegan, a cross fitter and an engineer walk into a bar No they didn't, they couldn't decide who got to tell the bouncer at the door what they do."

"In my day a hand on my crotch was third base... now even a hand job is a foul ball!"

"What's a Fly without it's wings? A Walk"

"I like to pretend I'm on ""American Idol"" by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot."

"The worst thing about a prison tattoo is always having to explain why you got a tattoo of a prison."