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Joke of the Day

"The bartender says ""We don't serve time travellers here."" A time traveller walks into a bar."

"What is the dumbest animal? An ignoraMOOSE"

"Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5'9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please"

"No, I am not insulting you. I am just describing you."

"*Throws all 900 baby items in garbage* *Buys Magic 8 Ball* *Whispers*, This is how we raise you now."

"*wife opens present* ""You got me the action figure you wanted?"" Ugh if you don't appreciate it then give me it *takes gift and runs to room*"

"There'd be no reason to see a doctor if WebMD gave out prescriptions."

"To the 20 year old girl who wrote an essay claiming she is too pretty to be allowed to lead a normal life:Same."

"Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday? Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out..."

"Marriage is like a hand of cards... You start off with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing for clubs and a spade."