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Joke of the Day

"People treat me like a god... They don't talk to me unless they want something."

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room, because it's black."

"My daughter just lost her first tooth! That'll teach her to talk back."

"What do you call a sad watermelon? melancholy"

"Lost 200 pounds. Here's my story. British prostitutes are *expensive.*"

"A Stormtrooper went golfing today He's still on the first hole."

"My girlfriend surprised me with a car! It's a good thing she missed me."

"I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is."

"Jurassic Park- making you afraid of vibrating water since '93."

"An amoralist, a nihilist, and a world-weary cynic walk into a bar. The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't serve minors in here.""."