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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend surprised me with a car! It's a good thing she missed me."

"In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented electricity because it was no longer considered humane to execute people using an acoustic chair."

"Q: How is a penis like fishing? A: The small ones you throw back the medium ones you eat and the larger ones you mount."

"Did you hear about the casino croupier whose hand, through a tragic accident, was reduced to a stub? Don't worry, he's dealing with it."

"I get Grumpy when I run out of Dopey."

"I'm still not convinced that ""the club"" is a real place. Rap songs might as well be about hanging out in Westeros."

"A big thank you to whoever spraypainted ""KARATE"" on the side of my truck. Cops are scared to give me tickets now."

"What color is a baby in the microwave? I wouldn't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate"

"It's funny when my wife gives me the silent treatment'. Because she thinks it's a punishment."

"I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I will still cut you."