181187

Joke of the Day

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room, because it's black."

"Why do people consistently make bad chemistry jokes? Because all the good ones Argon."

"What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home? Underwear Replenishment"

"Wedding photographer's slogan: Take a picture of your marriage. It will last longer."

"I turn 30 in like 4 and a half hours... I always said I'd retire from comedy if I hadn't ""made it"" by 30. ...So I've got like 4 hours left"

"Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!"

"Van Gogh hands a wrapped up box to his girlfriend. ""Vincent, please tell me this isn't another ear."" ""What?"""

"To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing"

"The John Birch Society wants American schools to ban protractors. Because a protractor marks angles."

"Past employers have described me as ""selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."""