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Joke of the Day

"Your so dense, light must bend around you."

"Sorry I'm late, there was a dad yelling at his teenage son for buying $90 jeans and I had to hear every word of it."

"Be a part of history! Die in a catastrophic natural disaster."

"I don't think anyone would be surprised if Captain Morgan was arrested for Boating Under the Influence."

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"How can you tell when you're in a ring of fire? When you reach for the Preparation H and accidentally grab the Ben-Gay"

"I was trying to chose a password for my email, but I was not able to... I had chosen BrazilianDefense, but apparently it was too weak."

"Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex."

"Meet Brian, my monkey butler. He's gonna help out around the office. *Monkey flinging office equipment out the window* Brian hates clutter."

"Why did Princess Diana Cross the Road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt!"