168372

Joke of the Day

"[waiting with friend for his test results] ""I'm nervous"" I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*"

"What do they teach in ISIS business school? Execution is everything."

"What is a junkies favorite drink? Hepsi"

"Why didn't the rat go to college? It gotten eaten by the bear...and bears don't go to college."

"""What's that?"" I call it a 'knife' ""Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"" Gregory, I am about to blow your mind"

"Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: ""We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."""

"Me:I take you are seldom go to the toilet. Scumbag Friend: Why? Me:Because you are full with shit!"

"Its the last day of the year.... Just felt I should thank everyone who made me smile this year. You are one of them so here's a big THANK YOU."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...& murderous clowns, & ISIS, & one of these two getting elected President after Halloween."

"Did you hear? Lorainna Bobbitt dies in a car accident! She was merging into traffic, and some dick cut her off."