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Joke of the Day

"Three Roads To Ruin There are three roads to Ruin - Women, Gambling and Consultants. Women are the nicest, Gambling is the quickest but Consultants are the surest!"

"Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room."

"There's this girl I know, and I'm like a god to her. Because I'm always watching her. And she's never seen me."

"I printed out this website's logo and then I realised I didn't need it. Should I throw out the piece of paper or should I... Shreddit"

"Alcohol & Fanta If I Drink Alcohol , I m Alcoholic... If I Drink Fanta, M I Fantastic...?"

"A man walks into a library and says... ...""I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."""

"An asteroid 1,200 light years away has a 0.6% chance of colliding with the Earth, and you all just walking around like everything is fine."

"[interrogation] ""Where were u on the night of the 3rd?"" Stabbing a homeless man. ""Louder for the tape?"" Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift."

"What's the difference between a joke and three dicks? Your mom can't take a joke."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To go look for his flatmate."