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Joke of the Day

"[interrogation] ""Where were u on the night of the 3rd?"" Stabbing a homeless man. ""Louder for the tape?"" Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift."

"The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden."

"How do you make your wife scream during sex? You call and tell her about it."

"What do couch potatoes evolve into? Computer chips."

"Treat your relationships as you would your teeth, daily attention and they could last a lifetime, too bad the same can't be said for hair."

"What's common between a crying baby and a gun? You must not bring either to the movies."

"*creating garbage cans* God: ""That's where trash goes"" *creating my twitter* God: ""That's where trash comes from"""

"Tarzan a un raton Que le dice Tarzan a un raton? - Tan pequeno y con bigote!. - Y que le dice el raton a Tarzan?. - Tan grandote y con panal!."

"We're learning more about the sale of the L.A. Clippers. Insiders say it came down to a bidding war between Steve Ballmer and Oprah. I'll let you guess who Donald Sterling rooted for."

"I just saw a guy take a bite out of a kitkat without breaking it apart first. Listen sir, society has rules. Adhere to them please."