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Joke of the Day

"An asteroid 1,200 light years away has a 0.6% chance of colliding with the Earth, and you all just walking around like everything is fine."

"I just bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy? Deer balls, they're under a buck."

"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta... F*ck you guys this is funny to me."

"One potato. Two potato. Three potato. Vodka."

"The Bible wouldn't sound so preachy if every commandment was followed by the word ""dude."""

"What insect do you use to capture a slutty woman? A hornet!"

"In light of Google becoming Alphabet, Gmail will be replaced with ""Alpha Mail."""

"Im voting Hillary Clinton this year. Because she dosnt suck"

"I have a ""One dollar, one inch"" rule with the ladies: you give me a dollar, you get an inch. You give me three dollars, you get it all."