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Joke of the Day

"I felt like I was just a statistic, so I went to see a psychologist... She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder. Now I feel like a distribution."

"How to lose weight: 1. Name your kid Weight 2. Take it to the mall"

"Phones - they bring you closer to the people that... ... also have phones."

"Why are black cats such good singers? They're very mewsical."

"There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe...call in sick tomorrow."

"I keep thinking diarrhoea is part of the family history. Because it's in my genes."

"How'd the hillbilly Stump the Trump? He Berned it."

"Okay, vampires are invisible in mirrors, I totally get that. But, come on, their clothes?!? #science"

"The reason Santa is so Jolly? Is it because he knows where all the BAD girls live?"

"I used to steal jokes.... ....I still do. But I used to too."