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Joke of the Day

"How to lose weight: 1. Name your kid Weight 2. Take it to the mall"

"I tried to shuffle a pile of Ibuprofen I guess drug dealing just isn't for me."

"I don't go back to my hometown very often because I've burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson."

"If the world's fate ever hangs on my mom opening a picture mail on her phone in under ten minutes, we are all doomed."

"I was considering feeding Mr. Whiskers spicy food... ....But then I remembered that curry-osity killed the cat."

"Obesity researchers have discovered a new approach to solve the problem. They are now focusing on just making people taller."

"If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership."

"When the girl working the counter says ""would you like fries with that?"" say..""are you calling me fat??"" then burst into tears. Free meal."

"Hear about the guy who had a fetish for Christmas? He was fucking crackers."

"How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know probably more than eight, my basement is still dark."