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Joke of the Day

"*cute person sends me a selfie* *tries 897285623895 times to take a cute selfie to send back to them*"

"Man's just been jailed for stealing an advent Calender He got 24 days"

"What's the most efficient way to break up with someone? Murder. I had to post this to r/jokes to keep from implicating myself"

"How do gossipy hamburgers spend their time? They chew the fat."

"When a friend dies, I'm not sure if I should unfriend them on Facebook or occasionally ""poke"" them to see if they're still dead."

"Haiku to the cheating girlfriend A haiku is five, then seven then five again, but who cares you whore"

"""If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end, the person will die."" -- Neil deGrasse Tyson https://twitter.com/neiltyson"

"How to catch a polar bear. Dig a hole in the ice and line it with peas. Then when he goes to take a pea just kick him in the ice hole."

"Ah, water. Giver of life. Destroyer of witches. Improver of tee shirt contests."

"The scariest thing about the terrorists is how fast they can do the monkey bars in their training camp videos."