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Joke of the Day

"Him: Where'd you get that black eye? Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too..."

"My daughter told she hates getting glitter on her face I told her it's far better than getting Gary Glitter on her face."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologise"" mean the same thing...except when you're at a funeral."

"I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking, ""it's psychic."""

"My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well."

"Only after getting married you realise that those husband-wife jokes were not just jokes."

"FUCK YEAH I GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD *smooth criminal blasts an i bust out sick mj moves* ""congrats sir u are now manager of this kfc/taco bell"

"It's not that the man did not know how to juggle... ...he just didn't have the balls to do it."

"What happens when a pope dies? Another pops up."

"For me, racism is the same as masturbating. I don't approve of it, but I'm pretty damn good at it. (Credits to Ronald Goedemondt)"