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Joke of the Day

"Soup baby What do you call a dead Ukrainian baby. Aborschtion"

"As founder and CEO of YOLO Guaranteed, my first product launch will be fishnet parachutes."

"4-year-old: Can we have Oreos for dinner? Me: Are you crazy? That'd be terrible for you. 4: Mom's not home. Me: *eats Oreos for dinner*"

"Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland? Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes."

"I sleep with a water gun near my bed, in case of cat burglar."

"I found a bloodsucking vampire in my house today. I don't know how the lawyer got in but I had to chase him out with a broom."

"And so the devil decided to put the delete key above the send key. The end"

"*gets down on one knee* Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?"

"""If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours"" - Inventors of boomerangs"

"A funeral procession led by a woman and her pit bull. There are TWO hearses. ""The Widow"" by Katy Franco [Joke-A-Tini]. Funny and fun to watch. http://youtu.be/2B7Acry2pms"