167995

Joke of the Day

"""420 blaze it faggot"" ""grandma stop"" ""snapback"" ""stop trying to be hip grandma"" ""i have hip problems yolo swag drake"""

"The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all."

"What did the mouth say to the nose? Nothing; mouths can't ta... oh, wait..."

"A mugged turtle.. A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, ""I don't know. It all happened so fast."""

"A video of my kids attempting to cut steak would make an excellent commercial for condoms."

"What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis"

"What do you call an abortion at Hogwarts? *Avada kedavra!*"

"""WHAT?? You ate the last of the cantaloupe?? This is the worst day ever!"" Can you please stop being so melondramatic."

"necrophiliac jokes are dead boring"

"There's a party in my pants and everyone's invited but nobody ever shows up. I wish my pants would stop throwing parties. It's humiliating."