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Joke of the Day

"[Ouija Board] ""Oh great spirits tell me ur secrets"" You'll die soon ""OMG HOW"" Hold on I have another call"

"Why are cars in Russia so slow? Because they are always stalin."

"Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?"

"How many Shia laBeouf's does it take to change a lightbulb? NonononononononononoNONONONONONO! NONONONONONONO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! (he can't.)"

"[taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."

"How can you tell this joke was submitted by a woman? No, wait."

"Everybody, it's OK to vote for Hillary Clinton The snuke in her sniz was successfully deactivated."

"Why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers? Because they can't even."

"I don't do cocaine I just like to smell it"

"Morning is like someone constantly whispering ""fuck you"" into your ear."