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Joke of the Day

"Bad religious joke I created. One day Jesus is talking to god and says, ""Hey dad, guess what I did today?"" God: ""What?"" Jesus: ""I walked on water."" God: ""No way."" Jesus: ""Yahweh!"" Badum, tss"

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."

"So, since The Earth is the third Planet of our Solar System, that would make us all from ''Third World Countries.''"

"If you're a Mayan, I don't even know how you show your fucking face in 2013."

"Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life."

"Why didn't the cow go on to greener pastures? She couldn't find any mooovers."

"Just set my alarm for 6AM. This is going to be hilarious if it actually works."

"My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips."

"What did the libertarian shirt say when it was thrown into the washing machine? AM I BEING DE-STAINED?!"

"I bought a parrot... And it could talk. But it did not say ""I'm hungry."" So it died."