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Joke of the Day

"How'd the monkey fall out of the tree. He was dead. How'd the next second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey! How'd the Third monkey fall out of the tree. Peer Pressure."

"Didn't think these orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected."

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese women? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"I rescued a seagull, taught it karate and named it Steven, so what?"

"There are three bears a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water? The white bear, because it's polar"

"Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled.I laughed at the irony.Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it."

"My friend Oscar met Leonardo DiCaprio and told him a joke. He didn't get it."

"Why can't Trump be compared to vegetables in jokes? Because even artichokes have a heart."

"Optometry jokes I just started optometry school and I'm in desperate need of optometry jokes. Any suggestions?"

"DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying ME: [hands him another $5 bill]"