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Joke of the Day

"My family keeps telling me that when I die I should have my ashes made into a diamond There's a lot of pressure"

"I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other."

"""I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."" ""That's so sweet."" ""Not particularly. It was daytime."""

"K Wow! Congratulations! With that 0.1 seconds of your life you saved are you gonna go to Mauritius or Hawaii?"

"I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets."

"What is the most effective form of birth control? Abortions."

"Conjunctivitis.com Now that's a site for sore eyes."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So people don't confuse them for feminists."

"2 men walk into a bar. The first 1 says ""I'll have some H20"" the second one says ""I'll have some H202"" The second one died."

"My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know."