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Joke of the Day

"""DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer."

"What is a modern name for a store that specializes in the sale of pornography? A junk shop."

"Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?"

"Why was the policeman sent to talk to a bunch of crows? Because someone said there was a ""murder""."

"I'm suffering from bad breath You should do something about it! I did. I just sent my wife to the dentist."

"You can reuse a condom... you just need to shake the fuck out of it."

"Google Glass is the Segway of eyes."

"What's worse than your mother-in-law? My mother-in-law."

"Why did the baby fall off the swing? It had no arms."

"Hi, I'm Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as ""No, YOUR face is stupid"" and ""I didn't trip you, you fell""."