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Joke of the Day

"""DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer."

"What's the difference between tired and exhausted? When you run in front of a car, you get tired When you run behind a car, you get exhausted."

"Has there been a day when reddit hasn't been down cause of server problems? Yes. When the SOPA/PIPA protest happened."

"How do you make a fat chick orgasm? Who cares....."

"[2 toads chillin'] Yo, we should start a rumor that if u lick us you'll get high. ""Whaaaat, that's genius."" We gon' get mad licked, son."

"A boy walked into class 20 minutes late and really high. My teacher asked him why he was so late and he said, ""I don't know, I think there were more stairs than usual."""

"The easiest way to a man's heart? It's between the fourth and fifth ribs"

"science defines a baby as ""a small smooth poopy man, no taller than a lamp"""

"Why did the gay vigilante get arrested? He tried to take down a budgie smuggler."

"My cute kitten Aww, wrong sub."