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Joke of the Day

"How does Steven Hawking refresh after a long work day? F5 (sorry Imgoingtohellforthis)"

"What did God say to the cheese that sinned? Gouda Hell."

"9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"Tim: This is Tim from accounting. Me: Hi Tim from accounting. Tim: Just say Tim. Me. Tim. Tim: How are you today? Me: Tim."

"I can accomplish great things if I apply myself... At least that's what a high school guidance counselor with a shit job and a bottle of whiskey in his desk told me once."

"I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :("

"How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. We are efficient and don't have humor."

"Two ducks walk into a bar. The third duck ducks."

"NSA joke I always said President Obama bugged me."

"How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus."