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Joke of the Day

"What do a weather man and a fat penis doctor have in common? They are both meteorologists. (Works better spoken)"

"if u think ur house is haunted get a cat. whooshing sound? it's the cat. hear footsteps? def the cat. unseen being devouring your soul? cat."

"My doctor told me my stool was loose. I apologized. I should have warned him before he sat on it."

"What does a redneck say for foreplay? ""Brace yourself, Linda-Lou"""

"Umlaut is a pretty fancy word for what are basically just little letter nipples."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boyscout comes back from camp!"

"When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, ""no one cares."""

"Twenty years ago my mother almost aborted my brother. Yesterday he died in a fight with a cloakroom attendant. The coathanger still got him in the end."

"Have you ever eaten a salad, then had a chickpea on your face?"

"How many people with no humor does it take to change a lightbulb? One."