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Joke of the Day
"I bought some vinyl cleaner, just for the record."
Next Joke
"Just learned how to masturbate. It comes in handy."
"What's blue and tacky? Smurf shit"
"I wish my grass was emo..... So it would cut itself"
"Don't you hate when someone has a great tweet idea, but they TOTALLY fuck up the wording, and it's you?"
"A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says... ""Five beers please."""
"People often accuse me of ""stealing other's jokes"" and being ""a plagiarist."" (Their words, not mine)"
"[opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement."
"What's worse than being 32 being turdy too"
"Sometimes I gaze upwards at the endless stars that populate the sky and realize how small I truly am. I should get one of those pumps."