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Joke of the Day
"What's blue and tacky? Smurf shit"
Next Joke
"How do birds record their songs ? On duck tape !"
"Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas Boss: it's May Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas"
"[standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. ""That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."""
"My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well."
"I'd tell you my Jim Jones joke... But the punch line is too long."
"GF looking at lines in carpet: Aww, you vacuumed for me? Me: *flashback to me rollerblading in the living room* Sure did, babe."
"Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job"
"What do Will and Jaden Smith like about today? It's After Earth Day."
"A boss is like a diaper Always on your ass, and usually full of shit."