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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern? One's constantly preparing for lunch."

"Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there's no more soda?"

"Want to hear a corny joke? Never mind I forgot the skewers."

"Pirate walks in a bar with his ship's steering wheel stuffed in his pants. The bartender asks do you know that's in your pants? Arrr yes. It's drivin me nuts!"

"Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie."

"What language do bugs in the Middle East speak? Scarabic"

"Why do Jew like to watch porn in reverse? They like the part where the hooker gives the money back."

"[steps off crosstrainer] ""Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--"" ""Shall I call an ambulance?"" ""Please."""

"Hey, pens at the bank: cool it with the chains. You are literally last on my list of things I'd like to steal from a bank."

"Bernie Sanders only has one night stands It's totally not his choice, but women tend not to call back once they still Feel The Bern the next morning."