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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me that she looked fat, and wanted me to give her a compliment... I told her that her eyesight was outstanding."

Next Joke
 
"A man walks into a doctors office A man walks into a doctors office and says Man: ""Doctor, Doctor! I have 5 penises!!"" Doctor: ""That's amazing! How do your pants fit?!"" Man: ""Like a glove."""
"I have a feeling his life would have gone in a different direction had his name been Kanye East."
"It's weird how scantrons make you go #2 all over them."
"They say don't drop the soap, they are right. You will slip on it and fall, I have first hand knowledge. Don't worry I'm fine, only a little drain bamage."
"In the year 2065, old men will say 'bae'"
"What do you call... What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff"
"When I tell people I don't speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home"
"If Noah was not holding ' Control ' while selecting the animals that were to enter the ark, then the Bible is a lie to me."
"[therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny"