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Joke of the Day

"When I tell people I don't speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home"

"*acts sassy* *flips hair* *walks into a wall*"

"What do you do if you see your stepmother hobbling around in the backyard? Reload."

"""Half a dozen"" because saying '6' is way too long... >_<"

"I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I'm not allowed back inside that hospital :("

"Why did Bill Nye crash his car? Because inertia is a property of matter."

"I always said ""Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."" But apparently that's not a valid excuse and I can't work for NASA anymore."

"What are the rough parts of Italy called? The spaghetto."

"I asked my aunt how much a couple is, she said two or three Maybe that's why her relationships don't work out so well"

"My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark."