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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fat person on a high horse? Ellen Pao."

"Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house."

"Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving? The Redskins"

"Some kid just threw a bottle of milk at me HOW DAIRY! His behaviour was udderly disgusting. It just skimmed my head."

"I take the ""L"" and ""R"" on my headphones way too seriously"

"How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers."

"*shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*"

"What does a witch enjoy cooking most? Gnomelettes."

"I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel... I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens."

"My superpower is being able to talk to dead people... they can't talk back, though."