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Joke of the Day

"I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel... I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens."

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"I bought shoes from a drug dealer.. I don't know what he laced em with but I've been tripping all day......!"
"Calm down R&B singers nearing the end of your songs"
"Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one but he'll tell everybody."
"[laser tag] Instructor: Dude, you're not gonna run out of ammo Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let's just agree to disagree"
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone"
"What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no booty."
"Found a lump in my testicles, had to get it checked out It was much bigger than the other two"
"If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it."
"Will only make sense to geezers... Q: What do Hot Lips Hoolihan and Richard Pryor have in common? A: They both have had major burns on their face."