132013

Joke of the Day

"Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving? The Redskins"

"Director: so, you'll be playing this regular guy... Johnny Depp: no thanks."

"If a person were to give a speech about Mozart, where would they be most likely to do it? On the Dias On the Dias Oh Oh Oh, on the dais."

"I play hard to get; if it's hard, you're getting it."

"[Next door dog barking] Me: *inserts earpugs* [Barking intensifies] Me: wtf................haha oh *removes earpugs and inserts earplugs*"

"I don't really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there."

"Why were the Native Americans upset when it rained in April? Because April showers, bring May flowers!"

"I spilled a whole case of forks today..... ...you could say I forked up real bad"

"I rolled over and saw a girl laying in bed next to me. ""How the fuck did you get in here?"" I asked. She said, ""You don't remember last night, do you?"" ""I do,"" I replied, ""But my hallway is narrow."""

"Just walked in on my uncle ""taking a selfie"" :("