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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I think to myself ""I hope to god I'm not agnostic... or do I?"""

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""

"Nick Cannon is the new face of Radio Shack both of which apparently still excist"

"Where do you weigh pies? Somewhere over a rainbow..."

"""A mind is a terrible thing to waste."" A zombie trying to convince his son to finish his dinner."

"What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am? It's your dad."

"ME: when I was 12 I got the flu so bad I had to be in the hospital GUY WHO TRIES TO ONE-UP EVERY STORY: oh yeah? when I was 13 I died"

"How many clones of president Obama does it take to change a lightbulb? What a stupid question: Obama won't change jack shit."

"What's the difference between a camel and a Russian? A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking."

"When I see a girl, I first look at her hair. Then at her eyes, lips, neck... Damn dial-up!"