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Joke of the Day

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""

"You can't threaten me with Work when I came to Work."

"My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I didn't listen to her or something. Idk I wasn't really paying attention."

"Sex in the morning I bet it has been up here before, but I felt that it had to be out here again. Sex is one of THE best things to wake up to.... Unless you are in prison"

"*wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* ""You didn't notice my new-"" ""NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES."" ""Dress."""

"What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown Artificial Intelligence"

"did you hear about the italian chef? he pasta way"

"Do you like fishsticks? yeah? LIKE IN THE MOUTH? THEN YOU'RE A GAY FISH"

"What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist bastard."

"I've heard that pineapple juice makes your semen taste better, so I decided to try it. The semen tasted better, but the juice tasted much worse."