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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said Maaaybe"

"What do you call it when you're run over by a German? Hunover."

"I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :("

"Racist jokes Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal."

"My father was in the holocaust, he fell of a guard tower!"

"Him: What are you doing? Me: Tweeting. Him: Gah. Such a colossal waste of time. Me: *stare* Him: *goes back to playing Candy Crush*"

"I just ordered a party hat for a cat over the Internet while flying on a plane at 35,000 feet. We should really stop inventing stuff."

"What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? I can't believe someone would stoop so low."

"My fake plant died Because I didn't pretend to water it."

"Phone on silent. 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest. Nobody calls All damn Day."