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Joke of the Day

"dead baby jokes Q. whats more fun than spinning a dead baby around at 50mph? A. stopping it with a shovel."

"-This is my son Michelangelo. -Oh, like the artist. -Um no like the Ninja Turtle."

"You know what makes me smile? Face muscles."

"I once farted in Apple store and everybody got pissed of... ...it's not my fault that they don't have Windows."

"I was going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind."

"What is the hardest thing about staring at a pile of dead babies? (Possible NSFW) My erection."

"When Facebook goes down, everyone comes to Twitter to talk about it. When Twitter goes down, the world falls mute."

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning."

"How do we know that Batman is black? He can't go anywhere without Robin'"

"Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed."