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Joke of the Day

"THEM: Hey-- ME: Ring ring. I gotta take this. THEM: I just watched you say ""ring ring."" ME: Ring ring. Yeah, this is really important."

"What is Donald Trump's favourite nation? Discrimination."

"I like my woman like I like my Coffee. Without a Penis."

"What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute? You only cry when you're cutting up one. Sorry if this is too 'dirty' a joke, just a change of pace I guess."

"Why do orphans go to church? It's the only place they can call someone ""father""."

"Why are successful people such assholes? They get shit done."

"I don't care what your favorite song is, if you set it as the alarm you wake up to in the morning, you'll want to stab it with other songs."

"My girlfriend said I have crusty feet. I blame my socks."

"How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life? Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry."

"*stands up in the middle of a quiet library* FAKE NOODLES ARE CALLED IM-PASTAS"