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Joke of the Day

"As I lay my phone down to sleep, I pray my brain won't think of tweets. If I die before I wake, I pray and hope my phone to break."

"BEETHOVEN'S CHICKEN Q: Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? A: It kept saying, ""Bach, Bach, Bach."""

"I'm a Mexican with a black belt Call me Juan Punch"

"What do porn stars have and comedians are? Professional Assholes."

"I'm recovering from necrophilia and beastiality... I would tell you about it, but I'd be beating off a dead horse."

"Did you hear about the circumcision Rabbi's wallet? When you rub it for a few minutes, it becomes a suitcase."

"Women should come with permanent mood rings."

"Son, I haven't slept at all in the past 10 days! Son: Why not? Dad: Because I sleep at night."

"Did you hear about the tree's birthday? It was a sappy one!"

"""Sure Chief, you can join us for dinner this year. But in the future, you're gonna need reservations."" -Pilgrims, at the first Thanksgiving"