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Joke of the Day

"When you are dying... Make sure your final words fit on a tombst"

"Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Alabama? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

"I want to make an alligator joke... But I'm afraid I'll get carried away."

"Dear Restaurant Managers: If more than 3 employees ask me how I'm enjoying my meal, I begin to wonder if you know something I don't know."

"Pineapple & Semen Isn't it odd that pineapple makes semen taste good, yet semen makes pineapple taste like shit. Credit to Harris Wittels"

"Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up"

"in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times"

"I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig....It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep."

"[Chumbawumba concert] I get knocked down, but I get up again.. [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] ""Aw hell yeah!"""

"Dear Cereal Makers, Exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinets shelves are?"