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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife."

"You're so fat... you had a threesome with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Buttersworth."

"Helium Some helium walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, ""I'm sorry, but we don't serve noble gasses here."" The helium doesn't react."

"What's black on top and white underneath? Rape. Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes."

"These days you can't even say ''black paint'' anymore You have to politely ask, ""Tyrone, will you please paint the wall?"""

"Q: What do you call a snail on a ship? A: A snailor."

"Son, I haven't slept at all in the past 10 days! Son: Why not? Dad: Because I sleep at night."

"robber 1: *puts ski mask on head* you grab the money while i kiss all the bankers robber 2: huh? robber 1: uh i meant kill *hides lipstick*"

"My girlfriend walked up and said she is expecting... me to lose weight."

"TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy... for boarding the wrong vessel... just once Whoops, wrong *sub*."