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Joke of the Day

"You're so fat... you had a threesome with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Buttersworth."

"Why did the console peasant cross the street? To render the building on the other side!"

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fish."

"How do crazy people get through a forest? They take the psycho-path!"

"Scientists say, six out of seven dwarves are not happy. -- As seen on QI."

"""Do you want to hold my baby?"" Yeah nice try. You got yourself into this mess you hold your own damn baby."

"COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears ""Lucky."" On repeat."

"I love my yoga pants. I have no idea what they have to do with yoga, but they're great for drinking, smoking and tweeting."

"Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light."

"What do you call a car crash caused by Hitler? An axisdent"